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Letter from Walter Reed to Emilie B. Lawrence, October 18, 1875

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Willet's Point,
N.Y.Harbor,
Octr 18th, '75.
My own, precious Emilie;

    This is
the fourth letter I have written
since leaving dear Murfrees-
boro, which fact, I think, be-
tokens my complete loyalty.
'Tis true, my darling, they were
short, but honest & earnest
withal, and I am sure you
will not deny that brevity is
a very good qualification
for many things; even a
letter to one's sweetheart.
Besides, after parting with

 
you, my own precious darling,
I was so homesick & sad,
that I couldn't write- I could
only sit & think, & revolve in
my mind, again & again, the
scenes & events of the days
just past, the influence of
which hung around & about
me, like the fragrance of sweet
flowers- Oh! how memory would
recall the happy moments
so quickly fled! And how
my poor heart longed to
live them over again! To fly
back to the dear little parlor
& sit in the arm-chair, by your
side, & hold your darling hand
in mine! Oh! happy hours!
Oh! blissful moments! too quick-
ly sped! and will they never
return to brighten our hearts
 
with their radiant sunshine?
Ah! Yes! 'tis our's to recall
them, if we will, & bid them lin-
ger, linger still! And, Oh! my
darling, at some near future,
will we not summon them
back & live over again those
blessed moments! I know we
will! Meanwhile, e're we greet
them again, we will cherish
in our hearts the pleasantest
recollections-

    Would you believe that, for sev-
eral days, after my return, I
was as home-sick as ever boy
was? I could do nothing; but
longed to return to Murfrees-
boro. I felt as if I must go
back -- that I could never
endure the separation!
But soon the thought oc-

 
curred to me: if you would
avoid separation, with its
many sorrows, lose no time
in providing a home for this
sweet angel, & when you
have done this, invite her to
your heart & home; so shall
you be happy! And this will
I do. With a brave heart, I will
face the world & its tempta-
tions, & should I faint by the
wayside, thy prayers shall bear
me up! Oh! my own love, let
not your soul be troubled, lest
I may be led away by the world!
Oh! no! I have consecrated my life
anew to Heaven & will strive to
lead a better life thou I have
in days gone by: to do my duty
as a man- And this and more
would I cheerfully do, for your sake!
 
When the mail arrived, this mor-
ning, I half expected a letter
from you, but none came. I
will not be disappointed, however,
for I know there is one on its
way & I can afford to wait
a day or so longer. We are
having the most delightful
weather, I ever saw,- Such blue
skies & bracing air as makes
one glad of his being alive to
enjoy it- Such falls as you
will only see in the Empire
state. And yet there is a
something indescribable, but
[the absence of] which the heart feels, that is
lacking -- but which is not lack-
ing in the dear Old North State-
& especially that part of it near
Murfreesboro. Recalling the lat-
ter, how truly can I say:


Thy quiet walks are dear to me,
 

I love thy mellow skies;
Thy balmy zephyr's purity
Bids hope & courage rise.

Fain would I change my present [lot,]
And seek thy valleys now,
Where I might find some quiet spot
To rest this weary brow.

Fain stroll besides Meherrin's stream,
With the fairest of thy daughters,
And watch the moonbeams dance & gleam
Upon its rippling waters!

    But I'll cease
my sentimentality & talk of
other matters-

    Yesterday afternoon, for the
first time since my arri-
val at Willet's Point, I went
to Church- To be candid, I can't
say that I was very much

 
edified. The services were con-
ducted after the form of the Epis-
copal Church- The preacher was
of course, rob b ed in his gown,
& rolled his eyes & jerked him-
self about the pulpit as
only an Episcopal Clergymen
can do- His sermon was
poor & delivery miserable-
Now, I know you will tell me
that I shouldn't go to Church
to Criticise the preacher, & I
acknowledge the justice of
the remark- But really, I am
so fond of a good sermon
& good delivery, that I can't
help criticising, when I hear
anything so very defective-
Of course, I only say this to
you & no one else- If I can
bear the ordeal, I will attend
 
every Sunday- Perhaps, when
I become used to him, I may
derive some good from his
discourses. Has my dear, good
father left your village, yet?
Ah! my sweet little E. you little
know what a high place you
occupy in his estimation- I
received a letter from my sister,
on Saturday, & in it she told me
how highly Pa had spoken of
you & how well pleased he was
with our engagement- She saw
him at Old Point in Septr &
they had a long talk concerning
you & me- So you must learn
to love him, for my sake.

    Remember me very kindly to Mr &
Mrs. H. & your mother.

Believe me, my own darling,
As ever, your fond & devoted

Walter
.