Behn, Aphra
. The City Heiress
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[Changes to a Chamber.]
[Enter Lady Galliard, pursued by Sir Charles, and Footman.]
Lady Galliard
Sirrah, run to my Lord Mayor's, and require
some of his Officers to assist me instantly; and d'ye
hear, Rascal, bar up my Doors, and let none of his mad
Crew enter. [To the Footman who is going.]
Sir Charles Meriwill
William, you may stay, William.
Lady Galliard
I say, obey me, Sirrah.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Sirrah, I say -- know your Lord and Master.
William
I shall, Sir. [Goes out.]
Lady Galliard
Was ever Woman teaz'd thus? pursue me not.
Sir Charles Meriwill
You are mistaken, I'm disobedient grown,
Since we became one Family; and when
I've us'd you thus a Week or two, you will
Grow weary of this peevish fooling.
Lady Galliard
Malicious thing, I wo'not, I am resolv'd I'll
tire thee out merely in spite, to have the better of thee.
Sir Charles Meriwill
I'm as resolv'd as you, and do your worst,
For I'm resolv'd never to quit thy House.
Lady Galliard
But, Malice, there are Officers i'th' City, that
will not see me us'd thus, and will be here anon.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Magistrates! why, they shall be welcome, if
they be honest and loyal; if not, they may be hang'd in
Heaven's good time.
Lady Galliard
Are you resolv'd to be thus obstinate?
Fully resolv'd to make this way your Conquest?
Sir Charles Meriwill
Most certainly, I'll keep you honest to your
Word, my Dear -- I've Witness --
Lady Galliard
You will?
Sir Charles Meriwill
You'll find it so.
Lady Galliard
Then know, if thou darest marry me, I will
so plague thee, be so reveng'd for all those Tricks thou
hast play'd me --
-- Dost thou not dread the Vengeance Wives can take?
Sir Charles Meriwill
Not at all: I'll trust thy Stock of Beauty
with thy Wit.
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Lady Galliard
Death, I will cuckold thee.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Why, then I shall be free o'th' Reverend City.
Lady Galliard
Then I will game without cessation, till I've
undone thee.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Do, that all the Fops of empty Heads and
Pockets may know where to be sure of a Cully; and may
they rook ye till ye lose, and fret, and chafe, and rail those
youthful Eyes to sinking; watch your fair Face to pale
and withered Leanness.
Lady Galliard
Then I will never let thee bed with me, but
when I please.
Sir Charles Meriwill
For that, see who'll petition first, and then
I'll change for new ones every Night. [Enter William.]
William
Madam, here's Mr. Wilding at the Door, and
will not be deny'd seeing you.
Lady Galliard
Hah, Wilding! Oh, my eternal Shame! now
thou hast done thy worst.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Now for a Struggle 'twixt your Love and
Honour!
-- Yes, here's the Bar to all my Happiness,
You wou'd be left to the wide World and Love,
To Infamy, to Scandal, and to Wilding;
But I have too much Honour in my Passion,
To let you loose to ruin: Consider and be wise.
Lady Galliard
Oh, he has toucht my Heart too sensibly. [Aside.]
Sir Anthony Meriwill
[within.]
As far as
good Manners goes I'm
yours;
But when you press indecently to Ladies Chambers, civil
Questions ought to askt, I take it, Sir.
Lady Galliard
To find him here, will make him mad with
Jealousy, and in the Fit he'll utter all he knows: Oh,
Guilt, what art thou! [Aside.]
[Enter Sir Anth. Wild. and Dres.]
Dresswell
Prithee, dear Wilding, moderate thy
Passion.
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Tom Wilding
By Heaven, I will; she shall not have the
Pleasure to see I am concern'd -- Morrow, Widow; you
are early up, you mean to thrive, I see, you're like a Mill
that grinds with every Wind.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Hah, Wilding, this that past last Night at
Sir Timothy's for a Man of Quality? Oh, give him way,
Wilding's my Friend, my Dear, and now I'm sure I have
the Advantage of him in my Love. I can forgive a hasty
Word or two.
Tom Wilding
I thank thee, Charles -- what, you are married then?
Lady Galliard
I hope you've no Exception to my Choice. [Scornfully.]
Tom Wilding
False Woman, dost thou glory in thy Perfidy? [To her aside angrily.]
-- Yes, Faith, I've many Exceptions to him -- [Aloud.]
Had you lov'd me, you'd pitcht upon a Blockhead,
Some spruce gay Fool of Fortune, and no more,
Who would have taken so much Care of his own ill-favour'd Person,
He shou'd have had no time to have minded yours,
But left it to the Care of some fond longing Lover.
Lady Galliard
Death, he will tell him all! [aside.]
Oh, you
are merry, Sir.
Tom Wilding
No, but thou art wondrous false,
False as the Love and Joys you feign'd last Night. [In a soft Tone aside to her.]
Lady Galliard
Oh, Sir, be tender of those treacherous Minutes. [Softly to him.]
-- If this be all you have to say to me -- [Walking away, and speaking loud.]
Tom Wilding
Faith, Madam, you have us'd me scurvily,
To marry, and not give me notice. [Aloud.]
-- Curse on thee, did I only blow the Fire
To warm another Lover? [To her softly aside.]
Lady Galliard
Perjur'd -- was't not by your Advice I married?
-- Oh, where was then your Love? [Softly to him aside.]
-294-
Tom Wilding
So soon did I advise?
Didst thou invite me to the Feast of Love,
To snatch away my Joys as soon as tasted?
Ah, where was then you Modesty and Sense of Honour? [Aside to her in a low Tone.]
Lady Galliard
Ay, where indeed, when you so quickly vanquisht? [Soft.]
-- But you, I find, are come prepared to rail. [Aloud.]
Tom Wilding
No, 'twas with thee to make my last Effort
against your scorn. [Shews her the Writings.]
And this I hop'd, when all my Vows and Love,
When all my Languishments cou'd nought avail,
Had made ye mine for ever. [Aloud.]
[Enter Sir Anthony, pulling in Sir Tim. and Diana.]
Sir Anthony Meriwill
Morrow, Charles; Morrow to your
Ladyship:
Charles, bid Sir Timothy welcome; I met him luckily at
the Door, and am resolv'd none of my Friends shall pass
this joyful Day without giving thee Joy, Charles, and
drinking my Lady's Health.
Tom Wilding
Hah, my Uncle here so early? [Aside.]
Sir Timothy Treat-all
What, has your Ladyship serv'd me so? How
finely I had been mump'd now, if I had not took Heart
of Grace, and shew'd your Ladyship Trick for Trick?
for I have been this Morning about some such Business
of Life too, Gentlemen: I am married to this fair Lady,
the Daughter and Heiress of Sir Nicholas Gett-all, Knight
and Alderman.
Tom Wilding
Ha, married to Diana!
How fickle is the Faith of common Women! [Aside.]
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Hum, who's here, my Lord? What, I see
your Lordship has found the way already to the fair
Ladies; but I hope your Lordship will do my Wedding-dinner
the Honour to grace it with your Presence.
Tom Wilding
I shall not fail, Sir.
A Pox upon him, he'll discover all. [Aside.]
-295-
Lady Galliard
I must own, Sir Timothy, you have made the
better Choice.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
I cou'd not help my Destiny; Marriages are
made in Heaven, you know. [Enter Charlot weeping, and Clacket.]
Charlot
Stand off, and let me loose as are my Griefs,
Which can no more be bounded: Oh, let me face
The perjur'd, false, forsworn!
Lady Galliard
Fair Creature, who is't that you seek with so
much Sorrow?
Charlot
Thou, thou fatally fair Inchantress. [Weeps.]
Wild. Charlot! Nay, then I am discover'd.
Lady Galliard
Alas, what wou'dst thou?
Charlot
That which I cannot have, thy faithless Husband.
Be Judge, ye everlasting Powers of Love,
Whether he more belongs to her or me.
Sir Anthony Meriwill
How, my Nephew claim'd! Why, how now,
Sirrah, have you been dabling here?
Sir Charles Meriwill
By Heaven, I know her not. -- Hark ye,
Widow, this is some Trick of yours, and 'twas well laid:
and Gad, she's so pretty, I cou'd find in my Heart to take
her at her word.
Lady Galliard
Vile Man, this will not pass your Falshood off.
Sure, 'tis some Art to make me jealous of him,
To find how much I value him.
Sir Charles Meriwill
Death, I'll have the Forgery out;
-- Tell me, thou pretty weeping Hypocrite, who was it
set thee on to lay a Claim to me?
Charlot
To you! Alas, who are you? for till this moment
I never saw your Face.
Lady Galliard
Mad as the Seas when all the Winds are raging.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Ay, ay, Madam, stark mad! Poor Soul --
Neighbour, pray let her lie i'th' dark, d'ye hear.
Sir Charles Meriwill
How came you, pretty one, to lose your Wits
thus?
-296-
Charlot
With loving, Sir, strongly, with too much loving.
-- Will you not let me see the lovely false one? [To L. Gal.]
For I am told you have his Heart in keeping.
Lady Galliard
Who is he? pray describe him.
Charlot
A thing just like a Man, or rather Angel!
He speaks, and looks, and loves, like any God!
All fine and gay, all manly, and all sweet:
And when he swears he loves, you wou'd swear too
That all his Oaths were true.
Sir Anthony Meriwill
Who is she? some one who knows her and
is wiser, speak -- you, Mistress. [To Clacket.]
Mrs. Clacket
Since I must speak, there comes the Man of Mischief:
'Tis you, I mean, for all your Leering, Sir. [To Wild.]
Tom Wilding
So.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
What, my Lord?
Mrs. Clacket
I never knew your Nephew was a Lord:
Has his Honour made him forget his Honesty? [Charl. runs, and catches him in her Arms.]
Charlot
I have thee, and I'll die thus grasping thee;
Thou art my own, no Power shall take thee from me.
Tom Wilding
Never; thou truest of thy Sex, and dearest,
Thou soft, thou kind, thou constant Sufferer,
This moment end thy Fears; for I am thine.
Charlot
May I believe thou art not married then?
Tom Wilding
How can I, when I'm yours?
How cou'd I, when I love thee more than Life?
Now, Madam, I am reveng'd on all your Scorn, [To L. Gal.]
-- And, Uncle, all your Cruelty.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Why, what, are you indeed my Nephew
Thomas?
Tom Wilding
I am Tom Wilding, Sir, that once bore some such
Title, till you discarded me, and left me to live upon my
Wits.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
What, and are you no Polish Embassador then
incognito?
Tom Wilding
No, Sir, nor you no King Elect, but must e'en
-297-
remain as you were ever, Sir, a most seditious pestilent old
Knave; one that deludes the Rabble with your Politicks,
then leaves 'em to be hang'd, as they deserve, for silly
mutinous Rebels.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
I'll peach the Rogue, and then he'll be hang'd
in course, because he's a Tory. One comfort is, I have
cozen'd him of his rich Heiress; for I'm married, Sir, to
Mrs. Charlot.
Tom Wilding
Rather Diana, Sir; I wish you Joy: See here's
Charlot. I was not such a Fool to trust such Blessings
with the Wicked.
Sir Charles Meriwill
How, Mrs. Dy Ladyfi'd! This is an excellent
way of disposing an old cast-off Mistress.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
How, have I married a Strumpet then?
Diana
You give your Nephew's Mistress, Sir, too coarse
a Name. 'Tis true, I lov'd him, only him, and was true
to him.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Undone, undone! I shall ne'er make
Guildhall-Speech
more: but he shall hang for't, if there be e'er a
Witness to be had between this and Salamanca for Money.
Tom Wilding
Do your worst, Sir; Witnesses are out of fashion
now, Sir, thanks to your Ignoramus Juries.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Then I'm resolv'd to disinherit him.
Tom Wilding
See, Sir, that's past your Skill too, thanks to my
last Night's Ingenuity; they're [shews him the Writings.]
sign'd, seal'd, and deliver'd in the presence of, &c.
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Bear Witness, 'twas he that rob'd me last night.
Sir Anthony Meriwill
We bear witness, Sir, we know of no such
matter we. I thank you for that, Sir; wou'd you make
Witnesses of Gentlemen?
Sir Timothy Treat-all
No matter for that, I'll have him hang'd, nay,
drawn and quarter'd.
Tom Wilding
What, for obeying your Commands, and living
on my Wits?
Sir Anthony Meriwill
Nay, then 'tis a clear Case, you can neither
hang him or blame him.
-298-
Tom Wilding
I'll propose fairly now; if you'll be generous
and pardon all, I'll render your Estate back during Life,
and put the Writings in Sir Anthony Meriwill's and Sir
Charles his Hands --
I have a Fortune here that will maintain me,
Without so much as wishing for your Death.
All.
This is but Reason.
Sir Charles Meriwill
With this Proviso, that he makes not use on't
to promote any Mischief to the King and Government.
All.
Good and Just. [Sir Tim. pauses.]
Sir Timothy Treat-all
Hum, I'd as good quietly agree to't, as lose
my Credit by making a Noise. -- Well, Tom, I pardon all,
and will be Friends. [Gives him his Hand.]
Sir Charles Meriwill
See, my dear Creature, even this hard old
Man is mollify'd at last into good Nature; yet you'll still
be cruel.
Lady Galliard
No, your unwearied Love at last has vanquisht
me. Here, be as happy as a Wife can make ye -- One last
look more, and then -- be gone, fond Love. [Sighing and looking on Wilding, giving Sir Charles her Hand.]
Sir Charles Meriwill
Come, Sir, you must receive Diana too; she
is a cheerful witty Girl, and handsome, one that will be a
Comfort to your Age, and bring no Scandal home. Live
peaceably, and do not trouble your decrepid Age with
Business of State.
Let all things in their own due Order move,
Let Cæsar be the Kingdom's Care and Love;
Let the hot-headed Mutineers petition,
And meddle in the Rights of just Succession:
But may all honest Hearts as one agree
To bless the King, and Royal Albany. [Exeunt.]
-299-
EPILOGUE.
Written by a Person of Quality: Spoken by Mrs. Boteler.
My Plot, I fear, will take but with a few,
A rich young Heiress to her first Lover true!
'Tis damn'd unnatural, and past enduring,
Against the fundamental Laws of Whoring.
Marrying's the Mask, which Modesty assures,
Helps to get new, and covers old Amours;
And Husband sounds so dull to a Town-Bride,
Ye now-a-days condemn him e'er he's try'd;
E'er in his Office he's confirm'd Possessor,
Like Trincaloes you chuse him a Successor,
In the gay Spring of Love, when free from Doubts,
With early Shoots his Velvet Forehead sprouts,
Like a poor Parson bound to hard Indentures,
You make him pay his First-fruits e'er he enters.
But for short Carnivals of stoln good Cheer,
You're after forc'd to keep Lent all the Year;
Till brought at last to a starving Nun's Condition,
You break into our Quarters for Provision;
Invade Fop-corner with your glaring Beauties,
And 'tice our Loyal Subjects from their Duties.
Pray, Ladies, leave that Province to our Care; )
A Fool is the Fee-simple of a Player, )
In which we Women claim a double share. )
In other things the Men are Rulers made;
But catching Woodcocks is our proper Trade.
If by Stage-Fops they a poor Living get, )
We can grow rich, thanks to our Mother-Wit, )
By the more natural Blockheads of the Pit. )
-300-
Take then the Wits, and all their useless Prattles;
But as for Fools, they are our Goods and Chattels.
Return, Ingrates, to your first Haunt the Stage;
We taught your Youth, and help'd your feeble Age.
What is't you see in Quality we want? )
What can they give you which we cannot grant? )
We have their Pride, their Frolicks, and their Paint. )
We feel the same Youth dancing in our Blood;
Our Dress as gay -- All underneath as good.
Most Men have found us hitherto more true, )
And if we're not abus'd by some of you, )
We're full as fair -- perhaps as wholesom too. )
But if at best our hopeful Sport and Trade is,
And nothing now will serve you but great Ladies;
May question'd Marriages your Fortune be,
And Lawyers drain your Pockets more than we:
May Judges puzzle a clear Case with Laws,
And Musquetoon at last decide the Cause.