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ALS 4 pp. May 26th, 1862
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Letter from Adelaide E. Case to Charles N. Tenney.
Adelle has not heard from Charles in three weeks and fears the worst. She laments that her dreams may prove true, that he has been killed, and prefers death for herself rather than the intolerable suspense of not knowing. Trying to end the letter more on a more positive note, she goes talks about her enjoyment of school teaching. Finally she indicates at the end of the letter that she has just received two letters from Charlie.
My school room May 26th 1862.
Dearest Charlie
My school room is unoccupied
with the exception of one lonely being and
how thankful she is to obtain that solitude for which
she has all day wished, But is it right for her
to be alone? Alone to those torturing thoughts
which cling to her sleeping or waking. and which
nothing but a letter from that idolized being can
drive away? Oh Charlie! My own loved one. if it
is in your power. why do you not break the silence
between us Three long lingering weeks have passed since
last I heard from you and God only know how
much longer time will pass before I shall. Are
you ill darling and not able to write. If so why
not let me know. I could bearthat Or-Oh. [unclear: no]
I will never write that thought, If I did
I should feel every letter sinking into my heart.
as if written with a pen of fire, Ah! those tears thank
heaven for them,, But they are but few to what I
have shed over my dreams. The thoughts while waking
are not enough to torture my poor heart but dreams.
frightful dreams! Oh I can not think of them,
If the cruel monsterDeath-My Godmust
I write it-has done his work. why do I not know
it for then yes then. I might die. Die! Ah. what is
death to this fearful suspense. It is nought. And
then I might meet my idol, Here again I am
thinking that itmust be so. just as my dreams
picture to me. and not only thinking but writing
it, Is this madness? or is it caused by [unclear: short And]
yet at times sharp pain around my heart
My own precious friend why do you not come home
or else write. would that you could experience for
one moment the anguish which I do. But[ [unclear: not] ]
no, not for one moment would I wish it. I would
spare you that my darling. But I must stop
and seek society or I shall go mad. May heaven grant
tonight that boon I so much crave-a word from
Charlie. or I could almost say-death,
Darling Charlie. I fear you will be frightened
when you read this. I felt very
when I wrote this above. and even now do not feel
much better, but "I live in hope" Ah! that blessed
word "Hope" How many poor mortals would have been
driven to desperation did not Hope whisper to
them so tenderly, Dearest can you tell why I am
not happy? I ought to be had I not? At times
darling, I am very very lonely. although so much beauty
and loveliness surround me yet I can not banish
my fears caused by this silence. While in company
I can appear happy, but [unclear: ohi] that pain in my
heart. Night after night I
letter for you" and turn to hide the tears that will
come, and then so anxiously wait watch and pray only
to be disappointed. Charlie I came to my school room
this morning with the determination that I would finish
this in a more cheerful mood than I commenced it
but I believe I am incapable of doing it
Would you like to know how my school is progressing?
I have now thirty scholars, and a pleasanter school I could
not wish for, Charlie I do not flatter myself one bit when
I say. I have not a scholar that would willingly
disregard my slightest wish. for I know I have not,
I sometimes wonder how they came to love me so, You
remember what you wrote me before my school commenced
that if my experience could be like yours I would
find the bitter with the sweet. I guess mine is not like
yours darling. for as yet but little of the bitter has been
found, Teaching. so far has been a very pleasant employment
and I am now teaching the fourth week. Time flies
swiftly while I am in the school room. I would like
to have you visit my school this summer, wish you could
see me now sitting here no one near. for it is yet scarcely
eight o'clock. writing very busily while at my right hand
lies my Bible. I have been reading in it darling
How much I am in need of that wisdom and strength
so clearly spoken of in that blessed Book, How soon
shall I
to call school, Bless you a thousand times my own
darling. Ashley Armstrong has just handed me
two letters in the well know hand writing of my
Charlie. I will read them and answer to night
Your unchanging
Addie