Conflicting emotions have
tossed me about, all unmindful of my poor
heart, fairly disturbing my rest at night,
until to day. To add to my trials, my
best friend, and brother,Hal. yesterday
started for home. How sad I felt! But I
could not bear to pain his noble heart, so
I strove to appear cheerful. I did not send
even a line to you, by him ,something
restrained me -- told me I should[ soon] recieve a
letter from you -- . and I could not -- dare not
write in my. (then) unhappy state of mind.
True enough, when the mail arrived this
morning, a letter came forHal. My heart
told me, that in that envelope was a letter
for me.Lieut. [unclear: Boisbine] , for me, opened it
and my heart was gladdened.

    DearestAddie, I know how the world
views such things as the only objection you offer
but I am not of the opinion of the world, nor
do I allow myself to be governed in my actions
or judgmentby the world. You "confide". /
thank you kindly for it / if it were not for thatone
thing. you could love me, and say I am too
good to[ be] united to you. Oh! dearest. do not think
so for a moment. I love you. fondly. truely.
God knows my heart. that I could not.would
not conquer my love for you for whatothers may
do, or have done. God says every one must be ans
werable for theirown deeds. The world judges wrongly
in attaching blame to one person for what another
has done.I consider that [unclear: i] person is not worthy
the name of "man" if he will close a correspondence,
or even change his feelings, for anysuch cause,
Icould not I am too independent of the world

   Now.Addie, darling, you will not cast
me off. and say "I cannot love" will you?

   If your heart says you can love me,
is it wrong?My heart tells me that
I do not love in vain. How happy I am
in the sunshine of your love. What fascinated
me while at your house? [unclear: Dost] know, Addie
dear? Twasyou. That feeling of admiration
has ripened intodeep unchanging love. I do
not write ignorantly. I have carefully analyzed
my feelings, andknow what I write.

   Happy in hope,, I await for -- your consent
for me to love you, asmine.Mine!
Mine to love to cherish! I know the poetry of your soul
have felt its power. Iam -- when alone -- a poet.
Not a Rhymer. but a love of the poetry of Nature

   But I must turn to other things.
You should see us now. Far and wide, all
is mud. a perfect sea of mud. I was up to
the camp of the 29th yesterday. to see a friend
of mine -- Sidney Crosby -- it was the same mud

   How sorry am I thatHallie has gone
We shall not be able to find a man to fill
his place. Not a man has done so much for
his company asHal has for this. But I cannot
blame him I would do the very same if I were in
his position.Addie.Tyler shall yet feel my power
Hals insult is too grievous to pass by lightly. I shall
remember him.

   I am going to correspond for the Democrat
ButHallie will tell you all.

   McClellanhas dampened my hopes
in regard to my coming home on furlough
but I must not complain, for he is my
commander you know. But Brisbine
says I may come[illeg.] next July,provided
wetake Winchester previous to that time.
My chances aregood are they not?

   Well, I must bide my time and believe
Addie loves me.