Henry IV, Part Two (1623 First Folio Edition)

Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616. Henry IV, Part Two (1623 First Folio Edition)
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Scene i

614: Actus Secundus. Scoena Prima.
615: [ Enter Hostesse, with two Officers, Fang, and Snare.]

616:
Hostesse.
Mr. Fang, haue you entred the Action?
617:
Fang.
It is enter'd.
618:
Hostesse.
Wher's your Yeoman? Is it a lusty yeoman?
619: Will he stand to it?
620:
Fang.
Sirrah, where's Snare?
621:
Hostesse.
I, I, good M[aster]. Snare.
622:
Snare.
Heere, heere.
623:
Fang.
Snare, we must Arrest Sir Iohn Falstaffe.
624:
Host.
I good M[aster]. Snare, I haue enter'd him, and all.
625:
Sn.
It may chance cost some of vs our liues: he wil stab
626:
Hostesse.
Alas the day: take heed of him: he stabd me
627: in mine owne house, and that most beastly: he cares not
628: what mischeefe he doth, if his weapon be out. Hee will
629: foyne like any diuell, he will spare neither man, woman,
630: nor childe.
631:
Fang.
If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
632:
Hostesse.
No, nor I neither: Ile be at your elbow.
633:
Fang.
If I but fist him once: if he come but within my
634: Vice.
635:
Host.
I am vndone with his going: I warrant he is an
636: infinitiue thing vpon my score. Good M[aster]. Fang hold him
637: sure: good M[aster]. Snare let him not scape, he comes continu-antly
638: to Py-Corner (sauing your manhoods) to buy a sad-dle,
639: and hee is indited to dinner to the Lubbars head in
640: Lombard street, to M[aster]. Smoothes the Silkman. I pra' ye, since
641: my Exion is enter'd, and my Case so openly known to the
642: world, let him be brought in to his answer: A 100. Marke
643: is a long one, for a poore lone woman to beare: & I haue
644: borne, and borne, and borne, and haue bin fub'd off, and
645: fub'd-off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to
646: be thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, vnles
647: a woman should be made an Asse and a Beast, to beare e-uery
648: Knaues wrong. [ Enter Falstaffe and Bardolfe.]

649: Yonder he comes, and that arrant Malmesey-Nose Bar-dolfe
650: with him. Do your Offices, do your offices: M[aster]. Fang,
651: & M[aster]. Snare, do me, do me, do me your Offices.
652:
Fal.
How now? whose Mare's dead? what's the matter?
653:
Fang.
Sir Iohn, I arrest you, at the suit of Mist. Quickly.
654:
Falst.
Away Varlets, draw Bardolfe: Cut me off the
655: Villaines head: throw the Queane in the Channel.
656:
Host.
Throw me in the channell? Ile throw thee there.
657: Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue. Murder, mur-der,
658: O thou Hony-suckle villaine, wilt thou kill Gods of-ficers,
659: and the Kings? O thou hony-seed Rogue, thou art
660: a honyseed, a Man-queller, and a woman-queller.
661:
Falst Keep them off,

Bardolfe. Fang.
A rescu, a rescu.
662:
Host.
Good people bring a rescu. Thou wilt not? thou
663: wilt not? Do, do thou Rogue: Do thou Hempseed.
664:
Page.
Away you Scullion, you Rampallian, you Fustil-lirian:
665: Ile tucke your Catastrophe. [ Enter Ch. Iustice.]

666:
Iust.
What's the matter? Keepe the Peace here, hoa.
667:
Host.
Good my Lord be good to mee. I beseech you
668: stand to me.
669:
Ch.Iust.
How now sir Iohn? What are you brauling here?
670: Doth this become your place, your time, and businesse?
671: You should haue bene well on your way to Yorke.
672: Stand from him Fellow; wherefore hang'st vpon him?
673:
Host.
Oh my most worshipfull Lord, and't please your
674: Grace, I am a poore widdow of Eastcheap, and he is arre-sted
675: at my suit.
Ch.Iust.
For what summe?
676:
Host.
It is more then for some (my Lord) it is for all: all
677: I haue, he hath eaten me out of house and home; hee hath
678: put all my substance into that fat belly of his: but I will
679: haue some of it out againe, or I will ride thee o' Nights,
680: like the Mare.
681:
Falst.
I thinke I am as like to ride the Mare, if I haue
682: any vantage of ground, to get vp.
683:
Ch.Iust.
How comes this, Sir Iohn? Fy, what a man of
684: good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation?
685: Are you not asham'd to inforce a poore Widdowe to so
686: rough a course, to come by her owne?
687:
Falst.
What is the grosse summe that I owe thee?
688:
Host.
Marry (if thou wer't an honest man) thy selfe, &
689: the mony too. Thou didst sweare to mee vpon a parcell
690: gilt Goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber at the round
691: table, by a sea-cole fire, on Wednesday in Whitson week,
692: when the Prince broke thy head for lik'ning him to a sin-ging
693: man of Windsor; Thou didst sweare to me then (as I
694: was washing thy wound) to marry me, and make mee my
695: Lady thy wife. Canst y deny it? Did not goodwife Keech
696: the Butchers wife come in then, and cal me gossip Quick-ly?
697: comming in to borrow a messe of Vinegar: telling vs,
698: she had a good dish of Prawnes: whereby y didst desire to
699: eat some: whereby I told thee they were ill for a greene
700: wound? And didst not thou (when she was gone downe
701: staires) desire me to be no more familiar with such poore
702: people, saying, that ere long they should call me Madam?
703: And did'st y not kisse me, and bid mee fetch thee 30. s? I
704: put thee now to thy Book-oath, deny it if thou canst?
705:
Fal.
My Lord, this is a poore mad soule: and she sayes
706: vp & downe the town, that her eldest son is like you. She
707: hath bin in good case, & the truth is, pouerty hath distra-cted
708: her: but for these foolish Officers, I beseech you, I
709: may haue redresse against them.
710:
Iust.
Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, I am well acquainted with your
711: maner of wrenching the true cause, the false way. It is not
712: a confident brow, nor the throng of wordes, that come
713: with such (more then impudent) sawcines from you, can
714: thrust me from a leuell consideration, I know you ha' pra-ctis'd
715: vpon the easie-yeelding spirit of this woman.
716:
Host.
Yes in troth my Lord.
717:
Iust.
Prethee peace: pay her the debt you owe her, and
718: vnpay the villany you haue done her: the one you may do
719: with sterling mony, & the other with currant repentance.
720:
Fal.
My Lord, I will not vndergo this sneape without
721: reply. You call honorable Boldnes, impudent Sawcinesse:
722: If a man wil curt'sie, and say nothing, he is vertuous: No,
723: my Lord (your humble duty reme[m]bred) I will not be your
724: sutor. I say to you, I desire deliu'rance from these Officers
725: being vpon hasty employment in the Kings Affaires.
726:
Iust.
You speake, as hauing power to do wrong: But
727: answer in the effect of your Reputation, and satisfie the
728: poore woman.
729:
Falst
Come hither Hostesse.
[Enter M[aster]. Gower]

730:
Ch.Iust.
Now Master Gower; What newes?
731:
Gow.
The King (my Lord) and Henrie Prince of Wales
732: Are neere at hand: The rest the Paper telles.
733:
Falst.
As I am a Gentleman.
734:
Host.
Nay, you said so before.
735:
Fal.
As I am a Gentleman. Come, no more words of it
736:
Host.
By this Heauenly ground I tread on, I must be
737: faine to pawne both my Plate, and the Tapistry of my dy-ning
738: Chambers.
739:
Fal.
Glasses, glasses, is the onely drinking: and for
740: thy walles a pretty slight Drollery, or the Storie of the
741: Prodigall, or the Germane hunting in Waterworke, is
742: worth a thousand of these Bed-hangings, and these Fly-bitten
743: Tapistries. Let it be tenne pound (if thou canst.)
744: Come, if it were not for thy humors, there is not a better
745: Wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw thy
746: Action: Come, thou must not bee in this humour with
747: me, come, I know thou was't set on to this.
748:
Host.
Prethee (Sir Iohn) let it be but twenty Nobles,
749: I loath to pawne my Plate, in good earnest la.
750:
Fal.
Let it alone, Ile make other shift: you'l be a fool
751: still.
752:
Host.
Well, you shall haue it although I pawne my
753: Gowne. I hope you'l come to Supper: You'l pay me al-together?
754: _
755:
Fal.
Will I liue? Go with her, with her: hooke-on,
756: hooke-on.
757:
Host.
Will you haue Doll Teare-sheet meet you at sup-per?
758: _
759:
Fal.
No more words. Let's haue her.
760:
Ch.Iust.
I haue heard bitter newes.
761:
Fal.
What's the newes (my good Lord?)
762:
Ch.Iu.
Where lay the King last night?
763:
Mes.
At Basingstoke my Lord.
764:
Fal.
I hope (my Lord) all's well. What is the newes
765: my Lord?
766:
Ch.Iust.
Come all his Forces backe?
767:
Mes.
No: Fifteene hundred Foot, fiue hundred Horse
768: Are march'd vp to my Lord of Lancaster,
769: Against Northumberland, and the Archbishop.
770:
Fal.
Comes the King backe from Wales, my noble L[ord]?
771:
Ch.Iust.
You shall haue Letters of me presently.
772: Come, go along with me, good M[aster]. Gowre.
773:
Fal.
My Lord.
774:
Ch.Iust.
What's the matter?
775:
Fal.
Master Gowre, shall I entreate you with mee to
776: dinner?
777:
Gow.
I must waite vpon my good Lord heere.
778: I thanke you, good Sir Iohn.
779:
Ch.Iust.
Sir Iohn, you loyter heere too long being you
780: are to take Souldiers vp, in Countries as you go.
781:
Fal.
Will you sup with me, Master Gowre?
782:
Ch.Iust.
What foolish Master taught you these man-ners,
783: Sir Iohn?
784:
Fal.
Master Gower, if they become mee not, hee was a
785: Foole that taught them mee. This is the right Fencing
786: grace (my Lord) tap for tap, and so part faire.
787:
Ch.Iust.
Now the Lord lighten thee, thou art a great
788: Foole. [ Exeunt]