Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616. The Merry Wives of Windsor (1623 First Folio Edition)
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Scene v
2217: Scena Quinta.
2218: [ Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans,
Caius, Quickly]
2220:
Host.
What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick
2221: skin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,
2222: snap.
2223:
Simp.
Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Fal-staffe
2224: from M[aster]. Slender.
2225:
Host.
There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,
2226: his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about
2227: with the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock
2228: and call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto
2229: thee: Knocke I say.
2230:
Simp.
There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp
2231: into his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come
2232: downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
2233:
Host.
Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:
2234: Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy
2235: Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine
2236: Ephesian cals.
2237:
Fal.
How now, mine Host?
2238:
Host.
Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming
2239: downe of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) let
2240: her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priua-cy?
2241: Fie.
2242:
Fal.
There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euen
2243: now with me, but she's gone.
2244:
Simp.
Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of
2245: Brainford?
2246:
Fal.
I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you
2247: with her?
2248:
Simp.
My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her
2249: seeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whe-ther
2250: one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had the
2251: chaine, or no.
2252:
Fal.
I spake with the old woman about it.
2253:
Sim.
And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
2254:
Fal.
Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that
2255: beguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it.
2256:
Simp.
I would I could haue spoken with the Woman
2257: her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with her
2258: too, from him.
2259:
Fal.
What are they? let vs know.
2260:
Host.
I: come: quicke.
2261:
Fal.
I may not conceale them (Sir.)
2262:
Host.
Conceale them, or thou di'st.
2263:
Sim.
Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris
2264: Anne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune to
2265: haue her, or no.
2266:
Fal.
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
2267:
Sim.
What Sir?
2268:
Fal.
To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman told
2269: me so.
2270:
Sim.
May I be bold to say so Sir?
2271:
Fal.
I Sir: like who more bold.
2272:
Sim.
I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master
2273: glad with these tydings.
2274:
Host.
Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn)
2275: was there a wise woman with thee?
2276:
Fal.
I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taught
2277: me more wit, then euer I learn'd before in my life: and
2278: I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my lear-ning.
2279: _
2280:
Bar.
Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage.
2281:
Host.
Where be my horses? speake well of them var-letto.
2282: _
2283:
Bar.
Run away with the cozoners: for so soone as
2284: I came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behinde
2285: one of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres, and
2286: away; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Fau-stasses.
2287: _
2288:
Host.
They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine)
2289: doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men.
2290:
Euan.
Where is mine Host?
2291:
Host.
What is the matter Sir?
2292:
Euan.
Haue a care of your entertainments: there is a
2293: friend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is three
2294: Cozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading,
2295: of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: I
2296: tell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and full
2297: of gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and 'tis not conuenient
2298: you should be cozoned. Fare you well.
2299:
Cai.
Ver' is mine Host de Iarteere?
2300:
Host.
Here (Master Doctor) in perplexitie, and doubt-full
2301: delemma.
2302:
Cai.
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, dat
2303: you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: by
2304: my trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, to
2305: come: I tell you for good will: adieu.
2306:
Host.
Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, I
2307: am vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vn-done.
2308: _
2309:
Fal.
I would all the world might be cozond, for I
2310: haue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should come
2311: to the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed;
2312: and how my transformation hath beene washd, and
2313: cudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop by
2314: drop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrant
2315: they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as
2316: crest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper'd, since I
2317: forswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde were
2318: but long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence come
2319: you?
2320:
Qui.
From the two parties forsooth.
2321:
Fal.
The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam the
2322: other: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suf-fer'd
2323: more for their sakes; more then the villanous in-constancy
2324: of mans disposition is able to beare.
2325:
Qui.
And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; spe-ciously
2326: one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beaten
2327: blacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot about
2328: her.
2329:
Fal.
What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? I
2330: was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Raine-bow:
2331: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch
2332: of Braineford, but that my admirable dexteritie of wit,
2333: my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'd
2334: me, the knaue Constable had set me ith' Stocks, ith' com-mon
2335: Stocks, for a Witch.
2336:
Qu,
Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber,
2337: you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to your
2338: content: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts)
2339: what a-doe here is to bring you together? Sure,
2340: one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are so
2341: cross'd.
2342:
Fal
Come vp into my Chamber. [ Exeunt.]