Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616. The Merry Wives of Windsor (1623 First Folio Edition)
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Scene i
551: Actus Secundus. Scoena Prima.
552: [ Enter Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, Master Page, Master
Ford, Pistoll, Nim, Quickly, Host, Shallow]
554:
Mist.Page.
What, haue scap'd Loue-letters in the
555: holly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subiect
556: for them? let me see?
557: Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though Loue vse Rea-son
558: for his precisian, hee admits him not for his Counsailour:
559: you are not yong, no more am I: goe to then, there's simpathie:
560: you are merry, so am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie:
561: you loue sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie?
562: Let it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if the Loue of
563: Souldier can suffice, that I loue thee: I will not say pitty mee,
564: 'tis not a Souldier-like phrase; but I say, loue me:
565: By me, thine owne true Knight, by day or night:
566: Or any kinde of light, with all his might,
567: For thee to fight. Iohn Falstaffe.
568: What a Herod of Iurie is this? O wicked, wicked world:
569: One that is well-nye worne to peeces with age
570: To show himselfe a yong Gallant? What an vnwaied
571: Behauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt (with
572: The Deuills name) out of my conuersation, that he dares
573: In this manner assay me? why, hee hath not beene thrice
574: In my Company: what should I say to him? I was then
575: Frugall of my mirth: (heauen forgiue mee:) why Ile
576: Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe
577: of men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd I
578: will be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
579:
Mis.Ford.
Mistris Page, trust me, I was going to your
580: house.
581:
Mis.Page.
And trust me, I was comming to you: you
582: looke very ill.
583:
Mis.Ford.
Nay Ile nere beleeue that; I haue to shew
584: to the contrary.
585:
Mis.Page.
'Faith but you doe in my minde.
586:
Mis.Ford.
Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shew
587: you to the contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee some
588: counsaile.
589:
Mis.Page.
What's the matter, woman?
590:
Mi.Ford.
O woman: if it were not for one trifling re-spect,
591: I could come to such honour.
592:
Mi.Page.
Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:
593: what is it? dispence with trifles: what is it?
594:
Mi.Ford.
If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall
595: moment, or so: I could be knighted.
596:
Mi.Page.
What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? these
597: Knights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the ar-ticle
598: of thy Gentry.
599:
Mi.Ford.
Wee burne day-light: heere, read, read:
600: perceiue how I might bee knighted, I shall thinke the
601: worse of fat men, as long as I haue an eye to make diffe-rence
602: of mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare:
603: praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and wel-behaued
604: reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I would haue
605: sworne his disposition would haue gone to the truth of
606: his words: but they doe no more adhere and keep place
607: together, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of Green-sleeues:
608: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with
609: so many Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?
610: How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best way
611: were, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked fire
612: of lust haue melted him in his owne greace: Did you e-uer
613: heare the like?
614:
Mis.Page.
Letter for letter; but that the name of
615: Page and Ford differs: to thy great comfort in this my-stery
616: of ill opinions, heere's the twyn-brother of thy Let-ter:
617: but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine neuer
618: shall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writ
619: with blancke-space for different names (sure more): and
620: these are of the second edition: hee will print them out
621: of doubt: for he cares not what hee puts into the presse,
622: when he would put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,
623: and lye vnder Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you twen-tie
624: lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste man.
625:
Mis.Ford.
Why this is the very same: the very hand:
626: the very words: what doth he thinke of vs?
627:
Mis.Page.
Nay I know not: it makes me almost rea-die
628: to wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertaine
629: my selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: for
630: sure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I know
631: not my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in this
632: furie.
633:
Mi.Ford.
Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepe
634: him aboue decke.
635:
Mi.Page.
So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,
636: Ile neuer to Sea againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let's
637: appoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort in
638: his Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till hee
639: hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter.
640:
Mi.Ford.
Nay, I wil consent to act any villany against
641: him, that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: oh
642: that my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternall
643: food to his iealousie.
644:
Mis.Page.
Why look where he comes; and my good
645: man too: hee's as farre from iealousie, as I am from gi-uing
646: him cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable di-stance.
647: _
648:
Mis.Ford.
You are the happier woman.
649:
Mis.Page.
Let's consult together against this greasie
650: Knight: Come hither.
651:
Ford.
Well: I hope, it be not so.
652:
Pist.
Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires:
653: Sir Iohn affects thy wife.
654:
Ford.
Why sir, my wife is not young.
655:
Pist.
He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor,
656: both yong and old, one with another (Ford) he loues the
657: Gally-mawfry (Ford) perpend.
658:
Ford.
Loue my wife?
659:
Pist.
With liuer, burning hot: preuent:
660: Or goe thou like Sir Acteon he, with
661: Ring-wood at thy heeles: O, odious is the name.
662:
Ford.
What name Sir?
663:
Pist.
The horne I say: Farewell:
664: Take heed, haue open eye, for theeues doe foot by night.
665: Take heed, ere sommer comes, or Cuckoo-birds do sing.
666: Away sir Corporall Nim:
667: Beleeue it (Page) he speakes sence.
668:
Ford.
I will be patient: I will find out this.
669:
Nim.
And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:
670: hee hath wronged mee in some humors: I should haue
671: borne the humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:
672: and it shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;
673: There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall
674: Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim:
675: and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not the hu-mour
676: of bread and cheese: adieu.
677:
Page.
The humour of it (quoth 'a?) heere's a fellow
678: frights English out of his wits.
679:
Ford.
I will seeke out Falstaffe.
680:
Page.
I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue.
681:
Ford.
If I doe finde it: well.
682:
Page.
I will not beleeue such a Cataian, though the
683: Priest o' th' Towne commended him for a true man.
684:
Ford.
'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.
685:
Page.
How now Meg?
686:
Mist.Page.
Whether goe you (George?) harke you.
687:
Mis.Ford.
How now (sweet Frank) why art thou me-lancholy?
688: _
689:
Ford.
I melancholy? I am not melancholy:
690: Get you home: goe.
691:
Mis.Ford.
Faith, thou hast some crochets in thy head,
692: Now: will you goe, Mistris Page?
693:
Mis.Page.
Haue with you: you'll come to dinner
694: George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall bee our
695: Messenger to this paltrie Knight.
696:
Mis.Ford.
Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit it.
697:
Mis.Page.
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
698:
Qui.
I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse
699: Anne?
700:
Mis.Page.
Go in with vs and see: we haue an houres
701: talke with you.
702:
Page.
How now Master Ford?
703:
For.
You heard what this knaue told me, did you not?
704:
Page.
Yes, and you heard what the other told me?
705:
Ford.
Doe you thinke there is truth in them?
706:
Pag.
Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight
707: would offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent
708: towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men: ve-ry
709: rogues, now they be out of seruice.
710:
Ford.
Were they his men?
711:
Page.
Marry were they.
712:
Ford.
I like it neuer the beter for that,
713: Do's he lye at the Garter?
714:
Page.
I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voy-age
715: toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;
716: and what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let it
717: lye on my head.
718:
Ford.
I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would bee
719: loath to turne them together: a man may be too confi-dent:
720: I would haue nothing lye on my head: I cannot
721: be thus satisfied.
722:
Page.
Looke where my ranting-Host of the Garter
723: comes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in his
724: purse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mine
725: Host?
726:
Host.
How now Bully-Rooke: thou'rt a Gentleman
727: Caueleiro Iustice, I say.
728:
Shal.
I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good-euen,
729: and twenty (good Master Page.) Master Page, wil you go
730: with vs? we haue sport in hand.
731:
Host.
Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice: tell him Bully-Rooke.
732: _
733:
Shall.
Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir
734: Hugh the Welch Priest, and Caius the French Doctor.
735:
Ford.
Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with you.
736:
Host.
What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke?
737:
Shal.
Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry
738: Host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (I
739: thinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (be-leeue
740: mee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will
741: tell you what our sport shall be.
742:
Host.
Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-Caualeire?
743: _
744:
Shal.
None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of
745: burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell him
746: my name is Broome: onely for a iest.
747:
Host.
My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and
748: regresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It
749: is a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires?
750:
Shal.
Haue with you mine Host.
751:
Page.
I haue heard the French-man hath good skill
752: in his Rapier.
753:
Shal.
Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these
754: times you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, and
755: I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere,
756: 'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, I
757: would haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe like
758: Rattes.
759:
Host.
Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?
760:
Page.
Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold,
761: then fight.
762:
Ford.
Though Page be a secure foole, and stands so
763: firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my o-pinion
764: so easily: she was in his company at Pages house:
765: and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke
766: further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; if
767: I finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be other-wise,
768: 'tis labour well bestowed. [ Exeunt.]